Giving It Away

You know when I mention giving it away, people often think I am referring to giving to charity or to their church. Giving money away in this fashion is great and there are many fine charities. Sometimes people feel overwhelmed by requests from charities when they are just trying to make ends meet. There are still many opportunities to give it away though.

Being a mentor or volunteering are great ways to give it away without having to dip into your bank account. Opportunities abound and if you take a moment to look you can make a great contribution to others in need. "I'm to busy you say! I am just getting by and trying to make ends meet." Well that doesn't get us off the hook, you can give it away by just giving a moment of your time to someone else.

Smile at someone you don't know. Say hi as you pass them by. Hold the door for someone. Pay the toll for the person behind you. Perform a random act of kindness. They don't have to be elaborate or expensive. A simple kind act can change the mood of the person on the receiving end. You will get a boost as well. When I was at a point in my life that I couldn't afford to give it away with money, I had to get a bit creative.

Maybe it sounds like ego but I do want to leave a positive mark on the world large or small. Giving it away whenever and however I can has become a part of that.

Everyone Needs A Kristen

Everyone needs a Kristen but for now there is only one. If I were really smart I would develop a company called "The Kristens". Here is the deal... I know about organizing and the benefits of being organized. I like being a organized and having a clean house and all that. Right now it is lower on my priority list than I would like. There are only twenty four hours in any given day and I have other things I want to fill them with.

As usual that is the dilemma...I want my cake and to eat it too. Enter Kristen. Kristen loves to organize and after giving her the ground rules of what absolutely under no circumstances can be thrown out I just let her go. It's great... my home is getting emptied out of all the negative energy and clutter. Space is opening up and I am determined to not fill it this time. I just want to enjoy it.

My house is cleaner each day. I love having a clean house I just don't want t be the one doing it at this time. I have been doing it for years. Low and behold...Kristen LOVES to clean (I am so lucky).

Guess what she also proofreads my work before I send it out and does a lot of basic maintenance stuff with the computer. That makes my job a little easier and if you think it couldn't get any better she is also great fun to hang out with.

Like I said... everyone needs a Kristen but for now I have the original ( though only for a few more weeks) her teaching will take her back to Massachusetts and I will be left grateful for all she has done and missing her company.

I think I really need to think about the business end of having a bunch of Kristens...maybe you could have one too.

The 90/10 Rule

So what is the 90/10 rule?? Well here it is....life is 10% of what actually happens to you and 90% what you make of those events. How you CHOOSE to look at the events in your life determines whether it is positive or negative. The beauty is that you do have a choice.

You are in a relationship and it ends. You can either view your self as a failure in love and not deserving of having a relationship or you can decide that this was not the person for you and now the way is open f0r you to meet the person that will really be a wonderful match for you.

If you are unhappy at work you can decide to stay and be miserable figuring better safe than sorry.... or you can trust that there is something better for you out in the world and leave your current job creating an opening for someone else who will really enjoy it.

This 90/10 rule can be applied to most anything in our lives. The choice is ours. That lets us start today looking at situations in a more positive light.

In-Laws

There are times when I know people are put in my life to teach me certain lessons . Often these people are known as.... "THE IN- LAWS". In-laws are the people you effectively inherit when either you marry or someone in your family of origin marries. These are the people who you don't actually choose yourself.... but there you have it....they are your new brother, sister, son or daughter.

They bring along their own set of beliefs and rituals. You may or may not agree or at times think to yourself... I don't know what(fill in the blank) was thinking when they picked this person. Do you know what I am talking about? Oh and yes I know that I am often that person that others are making the same comment about.

So what are the lessons. First and foremost....it doesn't matter what I think. I learn to keep my opinion to myself. Second....I didn't marry this person and therefore there are reasons I will never understand nor do I need to understand as to why this person is important to one of my family members. Thirdly.....maybe this person is meant to be in my life for a reason and can teach me some wonderful lessons if I just remember to SUSPEND JUDGMENT and remain open to having someone else in my life.

So why bring it up....today my brother and sister in law came to town and as I first saw them I involuntarily tensed up. Yes, we have indeed had our problems in the past but the past is the past. I had an opportunity today and I took it.
....I took a deep breath, put a smile on my face and determined today would be the beginning.....maybe just a small beginning ...to a brand new relationship.

It actually worked out pretty well and I am looking forward to seeing them again during this visit.

A Woman In Progress

A woman in progress. I read that today and thought...wow that describes me to a tee. I am a woman in progress and I am grateful to be living in a time when not only is that a possibility it is actually something that I personally admire.

A woman in progress is wonderful. She is open to challenges.... to making mistakes and learning from them. She is open to changing course when it proves to be the best decision and not staying stuck out of embarrassment. She is open to learning not only about herself ...but also the world around her. A woman in progress knows she can leave her mark on the world ....who knows, maybe she will leave two or three marks on this world (they don't necessarily need to be huge but they will be uniquely her own.)

One of the greatest things I notice as I look around me is that there are a lot of women in progress. I am certainly not alone. Woman who have courage and are willing to move ahead with a mixture wonder and excitement as they see what the future unfolds. I am definitely not the same woman I was twenty years ago...ten years ago...or five years ago. I am not even the same as a year ago. I have the freedom to keep redefining who I am and who I intend to be.

Having a Relationship With Yourself

A person very close to my heart ended a long term relationship this week. The reason was as always a complex one. Relationships always end for somewhat complicated reasons and when the dust settles you can usually look through the the rubble and get to the real reason.

In this case it was because in order to be in a successful relationship with another human being ....you have to be able to have a relationship with yourself. I was actually pretty impressed that this incredible woman was able to come to this realization at a fairly young age. I know many people who never come to this realization and go from one unfulfilled relationship to another.

This sure hasn't made it any easier to end the relationship for the time being...but if you think about it you will probably agree that it is better to know why a relationship ends. At least at that point you have a direction....something to work with.

To begin developing a healthy relationship with yourself will give you a much better chance of having successful, happy, fulfilling relationships with others in both your personal and business life.

Parenting Versus Coaching

I am both a parent and a coach and it can get a little sticky sometimes when I want to coach my children instead of parent them. A good blend is sometimes in order but that can be a tougher challenge then you might think. My daughter and her longtime boyfriend have split....at least for the moment. My son is on the verge of having the same thing happen and it is an incredible challenge to take of the coaching hat off and just be a Mom.

My own coach kindly reminded me that I am a parent first and foremost. I am here to parent my children and coach my clients. Hard as it may be tonight I am biting my lip... giving lots of hugs and saying a silent prayer of blessing for both my children. They need to work through this in their own unique ways and just feel the feelings. I will love them and support them but for tonight try not ot coach them. They are not ready to be coached on these matters at the moment and I can understand that completely.

Broken Focus

Well I have a high frustration level today and you know why?? Broken focus. When you have too many things to do and you are trying to do them all at the same time and guess what?? Not much of anything gets done you feel frustrated and the positive energy just isn't there.

Broken focus is often my worst enemy and it definitely gets in the way of me achieving the things that are important. What helps me avoid broken focus is having a set goal plan for the day and protecting it.

When I don't protect my goal plan for the day I get distracted by phone calls and the minute details of life that aren't really contributing anything of merit. Yes, I know some of them have to get done but it is in being able to set priorities that I find my safety net when it comes to avoiding broken focus.

When I believe that I and only I have to do all the jobs I have lost any hope for getting any f the jobs done well.

So what happened today??? I strayed from the plan (actually it appears that I abandoned it completely) and now I am a little frustrated and a little behind......I do however have my goal plan set for tomorrow with a new determination of sticking to it.

Paul Simon

I went to see Paul Simon in concert the other night. I like Paul and I have certainly grown up on his music but I am not what you would call a raving fan. What I am trying to say is that I had no expectations about the concert.

It was about 90 degrees and very humid. I was killing a lot of time just people watching.... that is one of my favorite pastimes. What I really latched onto though was the great variety in the ages of the people who turned out to see Paul Simon. The great majority were my age the 40-55 year olds but you know there were a lot of teens and early twenty year olds as well. On top of that add the over 60 crowd and we had quite a diverse group.

Everyone was enjoying the concert despite the heat and I was struck by what a unifying force music is. Paul Simon's music really spanned many generations and hey...he's not even that old. Anyway I was truly encouraged by what I saw. Music really is a common denominator more than we think. Sometimes I find myself caught in that mindset of old people's music or kid's music....guess what? It's just music and like any form of art you either like it or you don't. It touches you in some way or it doesn't.

Going in with no expectations, I found myself leaving having received something I hadn't really imagined

Meeting Poppy

Ah....back from a trip to New England to meet my incredible new niece Poppy (a.k.a. Penelope) and just as I had predicted she is beautiful!! Oh yeah it was also my birthday so I had most of my family to visit with for a good portion of the weekend....There we all are sitting around just waiting for our turn to hold the newest member of our family.

Isn't it incredible how babies don't have to do anything..... they just make a sound or move a hand and we all sigh in wonderment and awe. We stare at them endlessly and marvel at the miracle of the little person in front of us. I look at my brother and sister and see how delighted they are and how the shared experience of bringing this little bundle into the world has brought them even closer together.

Why do we lose that? Does it have to be that way? Why can't we take a lesson from how we view Poppy? She is an incredible little human whom I am sure will do great things. We all have that same potential and when we started out everyone thought the best of us as well. So where did it go wrong?

I know... I know... you are thinking well babies don't have a track record, we don't have much to judge them on. But ask yourself this...how often are we looking for the bad in people...the mistakes......the places they don't "live up to our expectations" like we ever lived up to someone else's expectations..right?

Take a lesson from Poppy. How about we start looking at the good in people? The times they delight us or make us feel good. How about if we cut each other a little slack and allow for the fact that we are humans? Oh sure the media would hate it ....but what about our relationships with each other? How do you think they might improve?

Thanks Poppy, for giving me a wake up call as to how precious and individual we all are. I wouldn't have it any other way.

In A Little Over My Head

Boy oh boy I love coaching, I love writing and I love my business. I know about being a coach but all the computer science that goes with having a web presence is a little over my head. I want to know everything and I want to know it NOW....sometimes I feel a little like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

And just like Veruca I don't usually get my way.

So I will have to put on my coaching hat. Slow down...get my priorities straight...Rome wasn't built in a day and all that. I will learn all of this ...not as quickly as I would like to but it will happen because I am determined to and I surround myself with friends coaches and mentors who will help me.

Oh...I feel better already....I just needed to get that off my chest.

Why Can't We Just Get Along

I watched the news today regarding the attack in India and I couldn't help but say a prayer for those who suffered in the attack and wonder why we just can't all get along?

All that was created here was fear and more fear. The people perpetuating the attack are afraid they are not going to get what they want.

The people lost and injured in the attack were afraid for their life and that they would lose something important....as well they should be.

Now I know we all like to think that we are "nice" people and we want peace and for everybody to just get along....but I want you to think for a minute about all the little ways we separate ourselves from each other. The judgments that we are better or different or that others are just the start of separating ourselves.

What if instead we put that energy at looking at how alike we are as humans...on a very basic level. It is at least a start.

Mental Fatigue

Working....working.....working....that's pretty much what I do lately. What's the end result? Mental fatigue. That feeling that you can't even string together words to make a sentence. Oh but I'm still writing so I guess I'm not completely wiped out. Now I know what they mean when they say a mental health day. My son in law took on the other day so I guess I am next in line.

So what's the upside?? Well it's good to be busy enough that am reaching mental fatigue....and I can only hope that it will equate to what I reach at the gym....muscle fatigue eventually followed by muscle growth......hopefully I will reach mental growth.

As I move through this life, new worlds keep opening up with new things to learn and explore. As I start this business online there is something new each day and sometimes I feel as though I am mentally running to keep up. It's pretty exhilarating though and I am sure all the mental fatigue will bring great results.....why am I so sure of this? Because I am not willing to give up....or to slow down.

I'll take my mental health day and get back to work

The Beauty Of Children

I spent the evening with my two grandchildren.... and yes I am a very young grandmother thanks to my wonderful step-daughter. Children are great and I learn so many life lessons just by observing them.

Take my granddaughter Bridget, she is six months ole and just as happy as can be until she is hungry......then nothing can calm her down until you get some food in her belly. Once she is full she is back to being happy, happy, happy. Once she is full you can not get that child to eat another bite and she will not be interested in food again in any form until she is hungry.....not because she is bored or because she may at some point be hungry later. Food has a specific purpose and once it is filled she is on to other things.


As someone who has struggled at times not to give into emotional eating I find this fascinating. Bridget is just too interested in other things.....she doesn't have much stress, she certainly doesn't get bored....so food doesn't fill any purpose other than filling her belly. I am trying to take that attitude and apply it to food in my own life. To try to stop the eating out or boredom or stress and to use food for what it was intended for....nourishment. Of course food for nourishment can certainly be delicious and attractive but it has a place in life and I want to keep it in its place.

Now my grandson on the other hand is a study in how not to hold onto things. Peter might momentarily get upset about something as every two year old does but he forgives and forgets very quickly as well. He doesn't make judgments about us adults as we thwart his efforts to do what he wants. He much too interested in the business of living life.

Peter has a zest for living that absolutely delights me and honestly he motivates me to follow his lead. His curiosity is unending and it spurs me on to be more curious in my own life....to enjoy the simple things and have more fun.

Night At The Carnival

In our local town the fire department and the rescue squad are entirely volunteer. The biggest fund raise they have each year is the Califon Carnival. It's very small and overpriced ....but for a GREAT cause.

The really fun part about it is that people seem to come out of the woodwork to attend the carnival. You run into people you have not seen all year....you get to catch up on the family news, stuff your face with sausage and peppers and funnel cake....what could be better?

The fireworks are a 11:oo pm and you play all the goofy carnival games until then. The only thing I dread is that my husband always convinces me to ride the Ferris wheel. Not a big deal you say.....well if you are terrified of heights it is. I do it anyway for the practice. It is always good to push beyond my comfort zone....even if just for a few minutes. I always feel just a tiny bit triumphant when I stagger off the ride......and as I said it is for a great cause.

Out Of My Comfort Zone

I am working on a lot of different things these days and many of them take me out of my comfort zone....you know the place we all like to hide out where we can look busy but we are comfortable.

Being comfortable is great if you want to just stay stagnant...if you want to achieve any kind of personal growth however you need to exceed your boundaries if only just a little. I often know that the slightly queasy feeling in my stomach means I am pushing beyond my boundaries....if I can just stay the course I always come out on the other side at least mildly victorious and a little proud of myself for what I have accomplished.

Moving beyond my comfort zone is not something I would actively pursue, so I am happy to have coaches and mentors who encourage me to push past my own limitations and strive for greater things. There is also the fact that I would never ask my own clients to do things that I am not willing to do....walk my talk and all that. So here I am today with that slightly queasy feeling getting on with growing my business.....I'm actually starting to make friends with that little sick feeling in my stomach......it always means growth and to me that means I am truly alive.

Public Speaking and I

Public speaking and I have not always been on the best of terms..I always wanted to be a public speaker in some sort of fashion but a pesky little fear of getting up in front of an audience stopped me for a long time.

Then along came the suggestion to join Toastmasters...a public speaking club. I joined a local club about a year ago and public speaking and I are on better terms. I don't feel as though I am going to burst into tears anymore in front of an audience.

I can actually meet everyone's eyes and keep my composure. I think I am actually beginning to enjoy it.....No I am not completely at ease in front of a large audience ...but I am getting better. Public speaking is one of the most common fears there is. Many of us have to speak in front of groups for work and if you are a little lacking in this department ....Toastmasters is a safe supportive place to hone your speaking skills.

Freedom

Well today is the Fourth of July and in the United States we equate this day with freedom and how lucky we are to have it.

Freedom however is a state of being and their are people in this world who may not appear to enjoy the freedom that we have here and yet inside they experience a different kind of freedom. They are free from fear and expectations. They are still free to have their own thoughts even though a government may tell them otherwise.

Freedom is not always determined by the outside package and we know that when we here of people who have over come years of imprisonment only to emerge feeling that somehow their lives are the better for it.

Freedom is a gift but we can still have it in the most dire of circumstances if that is what we choose.

Into This World

Among all the beautiful children born into this world today is one very special to my heart.

Her name is Penelope Williams...Poppy for short and she is my brand new niece...her stats are 8 lbs. and 20 inches long. I don't have the exact birth time but it is irrelevant because she is finally here....we have been waiting a long time for her arrival. She is definitely her own person and was not going to let any doctor decide when she would be born.

Poppy knew just when she was supposed to arrive and she showed up in her own sweet time. That's the beauty of being a baby....people can't impose their time tables upon them....babies trust their own instincts. It's too bad we lose that along the way.


We can take a lesson from babies and children as a whole. I love to watch children. When they are learning to walk and they fall they don't consider it a failure....they just get up and try again...without beating themselves up for not being good enough. They just get up, make some minor adjustments and off they go again.


Babies don't eat for emotional reasons...they eat because they are hungry and when they are full, they stop.....they don't eat because they are nervous or stressed or bored or angry but because they are hungry.


Babies and small children trust themselves....and then we adults get in their way. I only pray that I can appreciate Poppy for exactly who she is and not try to change her.


To my brother and sister in law I send such love and happiness their way for the new addition to their lives.

Analysis Paralysis

I work part time with my family in their retail furniture store. I have been doing this for many years, it gives me lots of experience with people which has been invaluable.

Something I find interesting is how often people sabotage their buying decisions when they do not trust their own feelings and judgments. I call it analysis paralysis. It is when someone is afraid to make a choice so they say they need more information. They get the needed answers, but they still are afraid to make a decision and....another round of questions and answers and still no decision.

At that point they often ask if one of us can come by and give our opinion... which we always do. For a certain amount of customers that may finally give them the reassurance to move forward with a buying decision.

Just as many others however begin to murmer "I'm just not sure. I will have to think about it a little longer." This of course got me thinking abut how often we put some aspect of our life on hold because of analysis paralysis...we doubt our own instincts so we tell ourselves it isn't safe to make a decision....we need more information......we are stuck and in the end we end up cheating ourselves.

The next time you have a decision to make, think about how you are feeling inside. Feeling a little nervous or stressed over new decisions is a part of life, letting yourself get stuck with analysis paralysis robs you of the ability to feel any fear and do it anyway.

In the end there really aren't that many decisions that you can't 'fix" if they turn out to be wrong.